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Why Do We Have Disagreements, Disputes and Conflicts?

Each person is unique. And, this uniqueness being positive, also creates differences. As unique individuals, each of us has unique behaviors ‘forms of action’ we utilize to get the things we need and want.  This is sometimes referred to as our innate survival instinct. 

What Is The Difference Between A Position And An Interest?

A Position is a demand or a preferred course of action. It is specific. It involves doing, taking a stand on one’s belief. A position is “If you don’t do that, then I’ll to do this.

An Interest is the reason(s) for a position or an objective. An interest is more general than a position, and open to interpretation. It is not an action. An interest can be financial well-being, fair work rules, retaining control, maintaining privacy, personal safety or the right to be treated with dignity.


What Is The Difference Between A Disagreement, Nuisance, Complaint, Problem, Dispute And A Conflict?

Part of the education processes is determining what you have before trying to resolve it.

Disagreement is a general expression used to encompass the characteristics of a nuisance, complaint, problem, dispute and conflict.

Is there a hierarchy in the formation of a disagreement? Maybe. One thing is sure; most everything starts with a thought in one’s mind. This thought comes about in the form of an irritation or nuisance.

Nuisance: Interference with one’s personal enjoyment and with a person's use and enjoyment of his/her property. An act which causes inconvenience, discomfort, or harm (unintentional or intentional) that is persistent or likely to re-occur. Annoyance, an unvoiced inequity or hidden fear is sometimes referred to as nuisances as they occur within us without the other party being aware of the situation or our feelings.

Complaint: A nuisance that has been made known to another person. A complaint generally takes on a positional viewpoint where a desired outcome is perceived.

Problem: An obstacle which makes it difficult to achieve a desired goal, objective or purpose. A problem is the unplanned or unexpected incongruity that exists between the actual ‘reality’ and a predefined standard or expectation. It generally starts as an internal divergence within an individual’s mind, such as a struggle to make a decision, take an action, or overcome a feeling.

Dispute: Disputes are generally ‘opinion-based’ over which parties take sides and actively disagree, argue, or debate. Disputes are short-term disagreements that are relatively easy to resolve. Disputes involve interests that are negotiable. It is possible to find a solution that at least partially meets the interests and needs of both parties.

Conflict: Conflict is an ‘issue’ clash between two opposing groups or individuals. Conflicts are long-term problems and disputes that usually involve non-negotiable issues. Conflict issues generally involve fundamental human psychological needs for identity, security, and recognition. Conflicts are characterized as disagreements between parties of which only one possible outcome would be acceptable. Usually this outcome is non-negotiable, not easily defined and not majority held. And, in a circuitous way facilitates a convergence of community within each group or individuals that precipitates a higher meaning than the conflict itself.


How Do You Resolve A Disagreement?

Resolution is usually achieved through a) education; b) a willingness to be educated; c) a willingness to forego the past; d) the ability to enter into a new realm. Each one of these variables has considerable psychology and philosophy involved, plus intra-personal and inter-social consequences. For example, a willingness to be educated requires a personal acknowledgment to be open to receive information; ability to neutrally critique information authenticity and value, and the desire to become something (better or worse) than you were before. Likewise, a willingness to forego the past requires mental amnesia. The ability to forgive and forget. The ability to enter into a new realm requires an acknowledgment of one’s comfort zone and courage to expand it.

Is There A ‘Best Practice’ Approach In Resolving Disagreements?

Every situation or issue has its own unique circumstances and history. Before investing time talking to the other side, it is best that you determine where you stand and gather together your thoughts. The word ‘resolution’ implies that you want to achieve a solution. The hardest step, which should be the first step, is to create a decision matrix. A decision matrix allows you and the other side to structure the situation or issue. Sometimes when dealing with nuisances, which are generally one-sided, we must internally explore our own thoughts. A decision matrix generally has three components. The first component is to specify and prioritize our interests and needs. Once this has been accomplished, the next component is to determine and evaluate different solutions for each of the interests and needs. The third component is to select options that best match an overall acceptable solution. After these three components have been complied and written, now is the time to approach the other party.


What Is Alternative Dispute Resolution, known as ADR?

Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) is a cost effective and time efficient method of resolving current disputes avoiding lengthy and expensive legal litigation. It keeps matters private between parties, preserves and possibly improves the disputants’ relationships and creates ‘win-win’ situations.

What Are The Advantages Of Alternative Dispute Resolution?

The advantages of ADR are numerous and include:

• Savings in legal costs and time

• Confidentiality

• Flexibility in process

• Preservation of relationship 

• Suitability for multi-party disputes

• Practical solutions

• Timely Resolution

• Decreased stress

What Are The Types Of Alternative Dispute Resolution?

Generally, the types or approaches utilized are:

• Ombudsman /Ombudsperson

• Mediation. Also includes: Conciliation - Expert Determination - Consensus decision-making

• Arbitration

• Collaborative Law

I’m Confused By Terms ‘Alternative Dispute Resolution’ And ‘Conflict Resolution’?

Unfortunately these terms are used interchangeably and sometimes used inappropriately. To help clarify their use, I suggest the following distinction.

Alternative Dispute Resolution is used to differentiate between court room litigation from non-court dispute resolution. Hence, the word ‘alternative’ is placed before the words ‘dispute resolution’. In modern times, it has become standard to settle disputes in court and the saying ‘see you in court’ has become a popular cliché. When we go to court the outcome is subject to variables out of our control. The empowerment trend ‘taking back the power from the court into the hands of the people’ has given re-birth to the term ‘alternative dispute resolution’. I say ‘re-birth’ because in historical time before the advent of ‘court room litigation’, disputes were usually resolved by the parties themselves without the intervention of a decision-maker.

The term ‘Conflict Resolution’ is becoming more associated with globalization, urbanization, and community/cultural diversity than between two individuals. Two individuals generally have a resolvable dispute, not a conflict. As discussed above, conflicts are issue clashes between two opposing groups or individuals. Two people with a disagreement seldom have a conflict unless it involves a serious or life-threatening issue that is completely non-negotiable. Conflicts normally are group/community-related where societal pressure and principles are drawn an ‘initial’ disagreement. Have you ever had the experience of not liking something but not knowing really why? Perhaps it is based on hearsay or inherited perceived notions. This is a good example of how societal pressure and principles work. In a way we become captive and feel it is our nature without directly experiencing the ‘initial’ disagreement. This is conflict.

I’ve Heard That In ‘Alternative Dispute Resolution’ A Neutral Third Party Is Involved?

Yes, that is correct. Technically, the word ‘neutral’ is generally used to describe that the ‘third party’ has no vested interest in the outcome of the resolution and is not directly involved in the disagreement. The term ‘neutral’ is sometimes inappropriately used to replicate the ‘judge’ in court room. However, in alternative dispute resolution, the third party has no ‘decision making authority’. The third party assists as the ‘process guide’ steering the parties from disagreement to resolution. The third party is similar to the conductor of an orchestra. The conductor does not play the instruments. The conductor directs. The third party directs, conducts and guides the dispute resolution process using his/her skills as a facilitator, negotiator, counselor, agreement documenter and sometimes adding in a dose of common sense. Only in arbitration and binding mediation is the third party given permission to make a ‘decision’ as a court room judge would do.

Also, it should be mentioned that the ‘third party’ is usually a single individual. It is becoming common practice to have two individuals or a panel of three acting as the ‘third party’. In this way, the ‘process’ is conducted with expanded neutrality. The theory is we are all biased in some way. Individuals have has their own unique viewpoints, past experiences and filters through which they see the world around them. In a pure sense, it would be idealistic to say that ‘anyone’ can be ‘truly neutral’. However, with two individuals or a panel as the ‘third party’ the probability of neutrality in enhanced, plus the parties gain more insight and knowledge from different individuals sharing the roles of facilitator, negotiator, counselor, and agreement documenter.

How Do I Decide When To Used ‘Alternative Dispute Resolution’?

A good rule is: If you wish to maintain a relationship with the other party either directly or indirectly, you should consider ‘alternative dispute resolution’ as your first course of action. Heading into the court room may seem powerful and persuasive; however it is threatening and adversarial and does little to maintain or build closer relationships.

How Do I Start The ‘Alternative Dispute Resolution’ Process?

Many businesses and medical professionals are adding ‘alternative dispute resolution’ clauses into their agreements and contracts. If you have a written disclosure or contract, check if there is an existing clause. If so, there may be procedures you need to follow. If your written agreement is without an ‘alternative dispute resolution’ clause or written agreement, please contact an ADR Professional.

Please review our Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) Websites regarding Mediation, Arbitration, Lawsuits, Ombudsman and Paralegal:

ADR FAQ

Mediation FAQ

Arbitration FAQ

Lawsuit FAQ

Ombudsman FAQ

Paralegal FAQ

Top ADR Websites - Part 1 - being updated

Top ADR Websites - Part 2  - being updated

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